I never make promises, coz I feel...no I know that they come with an expiry date. I want to change and want to make promises and keep them.
" I promise I will never get lost in the dark,
I promise I will never cry over my deadbody,
I promise I will be stronger,
I promise I will never make compromises,
I promise I will believe in myself even wen no one does,
I promise I will never be ashamed of my thoughts,
I promise I will be independent all my life,
And I promise I will always win!!!"
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Every morning I play the SUN. I look him in the eye. He pretends like he is busy but gives me a glance. I continue trying …poor thing can’t resist it anymore. He looks back fiercely, like I will be scared. He intensifies, shows that he’s a man and will bring me down. I squint but sustain for ten more seconds. Then I look away thinking he will be proud to win. But he looks more upset than what I am… he loves me and doesn’t want me to lose. I love him too but I fear if he knows he won’t play with me anymore. I will wait for tomorrow, for him to rise and make him proud this time.
(PS: Personifying inanimate objects keeps me entertained all the time.)
(PS: Personifying inanimate objects keeps me entertained all the time.)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Nightmare Decoded….
Last week Ashu, my sister, wasn’t keeping well…….. the viral fever had laid its hand on almost everyone in Mumbai. On Thursday, 4th September, she slept with mum. At about 1.30 am after checking my mails I went to sleep with the entire bed just to myself. I kept the window open and just dropped down to sleep. I had just fallen asleep when suddenly got up with a jerk. My eyes fell onto my window. I saw the weirdest gang of people waving out to me from my window. I don’t remember the exact faces but I am sure all of them were familiar.
One of them Siddharth called out my name and asked to me join them in their attempt to search his pet sheep, Jo, which was apparently missing since that afternoon. I was least interested in searching but I like adventure so I joined. Quickly I opened the door without making one bit noise and went outside to meet them. Siddarth was new to the society and was staying at “Silver Sand”, which was right behind my building. Mrs. Mehra who was accompanying him was the last one to have seen the sheep go into the mangrove area behind our society. People say it is an haunted area since there are constant talks about supernatural experiences especially of people who have gone missing there. The only thing I was sure about was that it was the only place my friends could go drinking without being caught.
So four of us Siddarth, Mrs. Mehra, Bahadur ( the watchman) and me set out looking for Jo. After walking in the wild for sometime Mrs. Mehra could'nt take it anymore, and Siddarth volunteered to drop her home. I still don’t know why he did that ….Bahadur could have gone with the lady, leaving the possibility of a romantic encounter between Siddarth and me. Anyway I volunteered to be the superwoman and save the sheep (though I did not see the point in saving it as I may eat the same poor fella some other time). A part of me said it would be really cool to save Jo.
Bahadur like his name was a brave man; he was guiding me all the way. Suddenly he started walking very fast I asked him to slow down but he just ignored me. Now he was running and in no time got lost in the dark. Suddenly I realized I was all alone in a jungle…. the fear was just sinking in when this man with color all over his face came in front of me. He was an Aghori baba, wasn’t having a piece of cloth on his body. He walked towards me and before I could do or say a thing he got his hands around my neck and started to strangle me. I was going out of breath; I struggled to free myself from him only to die with my eyes almost popping out of the socket.
I was dead but could still see myself, my body looked ugly. I never wanted to die ugly for that matter I never wanted to die. I guessed that it was my spirit which was seeing the body being dragged by the Aghori. He dragged my corpse to a cave as I followed. The cave was just up a small mount and I could see fire there. I was curious why he would kill me. My body had become soggy and bruised.
Inside the cave was an idol of lord shiva and after decorating my corpse with flowers and beads. He started a puja. After the puja he dug he nails into my abdomen to pull out my liver. He started feeding on it. The liver followed my other organs. I was scared ….never been so scared in my whole life. His face was the only thing I could see with blood spilling out of his mouth. His hands reached out to my chest when I screamed and woke up……...Thank god I was dreaming.
About a month ago at lunch one of my colleagues told me about Aaghori babas. Theses Aghoris have intercourse with the dead and feed on them. The thought stuck to my mind but I suppressed the fear. The fear still remained within me wanting badly to express it self. On Thursday the mind found the opportunity and let it go……
One of them Siddharth called out my name and asked to me join them in their attempt to search his pet sheep, Jo, which was apparently missing since that afternoon. I was least interested in searching but I like adventure so I joined. Quickly I opened the door without making one bit noise and went outside to meet them. Siddarth was new to the society and was staying at “Silver Sand”, which was right behind my building. Mrs. Mehra who was accompanying him was the last one to have seen the sheep go into the mangrove area behind our society. People say it is an haunted area since there are constant talks about supernatural experiences especially of people who have gone missing there. The only thing I was sure about was that it was the only place my friends could go drinking without being caught.
So four of us Siddarth, Mrs. Mehra, Bahadur ( the watchman) and me set out looking for Jo. After walking in the wild for sometime Mrs. Mehra could'nt take it anymore, and Siddarth volunteered to drop her home. I still don’t know why he did that ….Bahadur could have gone with the lady, leaving the possibility of a romantic encounter between Siddarth and me. Anyway I volunteered to be the superwoman and save the sheep (though I did not see the point in saving it as I may eat the same poor fella some other time). A part of me said it would be really cool to save Jo.
Bahadur like his name was a brave man; he was guiding me all the way. Suddenly he started walking very fast I asked him to slow down but he just ignored me. Now he was running and in no time got lost in the dark. Suddenly I realized I was all alone in a jungle…. the fear was just sinking in when this man with color all over his face came in front of me. He was an Aghori baba, wasn’t having a piece of cloth on his body. He walked towards me and before I could do or say a thing he got his hands around my neck and started to strangle me. I was going out of breath; I struggled to free myself from him only to die with my eyes almost popping out of the socket.
I was dead but could still see myself, my body looked ugly. I never wanted to die ugly for that matter I never wanted to die. I guessed that it was my spirit which was seeing the body being dragged by the Aghori. He dragged my corpse to a cave as I followed. The cave was just up a small mount and I could see fire there. I was curious why he would kill me. My body had become soggy and bruised.
Inside the cave was an idol of lord shiva and after decorating my corpse with flowers and beads. He started a puja. After the puja he dug he nails into my abdomen to pull out my liver. He started feeding on it. The liver followed my other organs. I was scared ….never been so scared in my whole life. His face was the only thing I could see with blood spilling out of his mouth. His hands reached out to my chest when I screamed and woke up……...Thank god I was dreaming.
About a month ago at lunch one of my colleagues told me about Aaghori babas. Theses Aghoris have intercourse with the dead and feed on them. The thought stuck to my mind but I suppressed the fear. The fear still remained within me wanting badly to express it self. On Thursday the mind found the opportunity and let it go……
Saturday, August 30, 2008
At peace when alive or dead....
Being at peace with ones conscience is the best feeling ever. It’s not the outer self but the inner self that makes a man or a woman. I have heard so many talks about imagination, visualization and how one can cross the biggest hurdle or achieve the biggest dream just by using these inner strengths.
Though I always believed in the power of the inner self one more incident occurred which reassured the whole concept. It is not as dramatic as it sounds but just a word from an aged saint. I usually don’t trust any of their kind only because they are very rigid in their thoughts and never agree to listen to a different point of view.
Phew!!! I always get carried away but anyway he says that all of us dream and when we do …we hear… we talk… we run… and when we do all this we do not use our physical ears, tongue, and legs. But still the emotions remain the same in every single sense.
So in fact what we feel is all because of what’s inside than what happens outside. Our body is a tool but the source of energy is within us. At this stage of life I am at peace with myself at several points but there are many areas that I am very unclear about. The worst part is I am not even sure what part I am unclear about.
This however does not stop me from trying to reach the highest level of peace. The only question being – once I am dead do I have to start over again with the entire process? Will I be aware about what I have achieved for myself till now? And if death is a continuation of life I should rather not be scared of it?
My only aim is to be at peace dead or alive……….
Though I always believed in the power of the inner self one more incident occurred which reassured the whole concept. It is not as dramatic as it sounds but just a word from an aged saint. I usually don’t trust any of their kind only because they are very rigid in their thoughts and never agree to listen to a different point of view.
Phew!!! I always get carried away but anyway he says that all of us dream and when we do …we hear… we talk… we run… and when we do all this we do not use our physical ears, tongue, and legs. But still the emotions remain the same in every single sense.
So in fact what we feel is all because of what’s inside than what happens outside. Our body is a tool but the source of energy is within us. At this stage of life I am at peace with myself at several points but there are many areas that I am very unclear about. The worst part is I am not even sure what part I am unclear about.
This however does not stop me from trying to reach the highest level of peace. The only question being – once I am dead do I have to start over again with the entire process? Will I be aware about what I have achieved for myself till now? And if death is a continuation of life I should rather not be scared of it?
My only aim is to be at peace dead or alive……….
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The Stranger Everyone Loves
This time wen it happened, it made me realize about this phenomena...So many times on days wen i feel really really depressed or helpless, out of nowhere sum stranger brings a smile to my face. And it feels like heaven...a transition from restlessness to serenity.
Last week on one of those days, i just got of d railway station with an attempt to reach office on time. I was getting down the stairs , when an old woman with d most wrinkled face i had ever seen dressed in a Navari Saree ( d typical green and maroon) hit me with a stick. I had rarely felt d hit wen she put out her hand towards me. She pulled me into her arm and hugged me. With her soft and tender hands she caressed me and in her eyes i saw love after such a long time..
She smiled and let me go but i wanted more of it.. I was thinking of her all day long..even now..
Often i seek solace in strangers than people i already know. But there is a reason for this..wen u confide in a friend or family there is a huge burden of expectations on your shoulder as well as your friend's. But a sudden gesture of care from a stranger is totalling unexpected and cuts through layers to reach d heart.
In fact many a times it makes me go back to d routine all rejuvenated and i don't know how but it makes me care more for friends and family than before..
I love the stranger in my life.....
Last week on one of those days, i just got of d railway station with an attempt to reach office on time. I was getting down the stairs , when an old woman with d most wrinkled face i had ever seen dressed in a Navari Saree ( d typical green and maroon) hit me with a stick. I had rarely felt d hit wen she put out her hand towards me. She pulled me into her arm and hugged me. With her soft and tender hands she caressed me and in her eyes i saw love after such a long time..
She smiled and let me go but i wanted more of it.. I was thinking of her all day long..even now..
Often i seek solace in strangers than people i already know. But there is a reason for this..wen u confide in a friend or family there is a huge burden of expectations on your shoulder as well as your friend's. But a sudden gesture of care from a stranger is totalling unexpected and cuts through layers to reach d heart.
In fact many a times it makes me go back to d routine all rejuvenated and i don't know how but it makes me care more for friends and family than before..
I love the stranger in my life.....
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Anna Eleanor Roosevelt
Very often we meet people who look lost.....I believe they just live in the future....in other words they day dream. I like to have a control over whatever happens in my life therefore i like to discuss day dreaming than d usual night ones.
Top 5 dreams of my life
To be one of the Miss India's (FAME)
To own an island (OWNERSHIP)
To swim across a water body (ACHIEVEMENT)
To change at least one life for good (GIVING BACK)
To have my own happily ever after (LOVE).......
I want each one to come true....
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