My world - My responsibility

Day Zero: I was watching CNN IBN when they spoke about the gang war at Leopold’s'. Some channels had already started to claim it’s a terrorist attack. WOT!!!!! Gimme a brk I have been living in Mumbai for the past 24 yrs I know how terrorists attack, they don’t have the guts to confront me and my ppl. Switched off the lights and off to bed.

Day One: Holy shit!! It is a war….Like all I was others stuck to d TV for the next three days. Then the entire series of emotional ups and downs. It’s all over the place on media, at office, on the streets and even o my mind.

Day four: The operation is over at all the 3 places. Now the focus shifts to the aftermath and the “to do” for future. But I am sure many would identify with me on this thought. It is difficult to get sleep when u know that there is someone else out there who is fighting for ur life. I have heard and seen videos of Afghanistan and Iraq but never felt so terrible.

Day five: My blood was boiling, went for the march at the gateway- (I don’t know if marches help but it does one thing for sure- Solidarity). Then there were many other marches but the emotion had faded already.

Today: My pledge: I will vote for every election and more importantly make an effort to know not just more but a lot more about who I am voting for.
I will learn some form of self defense.
I will stand up against any form of corruption. It’s the root cause of terror entering countries like ours.

I am My Father

Pass it on.....

She was chaos, she was life,
She ran down the corner of her lane, she ran everyday, everynite,
And On a Thursday God caught her eye,
From a cage He called her out, she did not believe in Him,
Her senses seemed to be fooling her,
God’s smile shone on her and He put his heart onto her palms,
No it did not bleed all it gave out was white love,
The white seeped in through her pores,
Made her stoic, brought virtue in her,
She believed in God now, she believed in His Being,
How she wished she could touch Him, She went closer,
He pulled her in; there she felt God and a dream came true,
But God was outside now leaving her inside the cage,
She never felt this before, He made her GOD!!!!

PS: All characters are as per the author's imagination and has no reference to any concept of supernatural existence.

27 Nov 2008

Today Mumbai's ATS is under dire threat with its mighty heads gone, and struggling more than 20 hrs now. May God give them power and strength. To pray is all I can do!!!

Promise

I never make promises, coz I feel...no I know that they come with an expiry date. I want to change and want to make promises and keep them.
" I promise I will never get lost in the dark,
I promise I will never cry over my deadbody,
I promise I will be stronger,
I promise I will never make compromises,
I promise I will believe in myself even wen no one does,
I promise I will never be ashamed of my thoughts,
I promise I will be independent all my life,
And I promise I will always win!!!"

Every morning I play the SUN. I look him in the eye. He pretends like he is busy but gives me a glance. I continue trying …poor thing can’t resist it anymore. He looks back fiercely, like I will be scared. He intensifies, shows that he’s a man and will bring me down. I squint but sustain for ten more seconds. Then I look away thinking he will be proud to win. But he looks more upset than what I am… he loves me and doesn’t want me to lose. I love him too but I fear if he knows he won’t play with me anymore. I will wait for tomorrow, for him to rise and make him proud this time.
(PS: Personifying inanimate objects keeps me entertained all the time.)

" Every time I look into his eyes...a part of me is lost in him......i am losing myself"

Nightmare Decoded….

Last week Ashu, my sister, wasn’t keeping well…….. the viral fever had laid its hand on almost everyone in Mumbai. On Thursday, 4th September, she slept with mum. At about 1.30 am after checking my mails I went to sleep with the entire bed just to myself. I kept the window open and just dropped down to sleep. I had just fallen asleep when suddenly got up with a jerk. My eyes fell onto my window. I saw the weirdest gang of people waving out to me from my window. I don’t remember the exact faces but I am sure all of them were familiar.

One of them Siddharth called out my name and asked to me join them in their attempt to search his pet sheep, Jo, which was apparently missing since that afternoon. I was least interested in searching but I like adventure so I joined. Quickly I opened the door without making one bit noise and went outside to meet them. Siddarth was new to the society and was staying at “Silver Sand”, which was right behind my building. Mrs. Mehra who was accompanying him was the last one to have seen the sheep go into the mangrove area behind our society. People say it is an haunted area since there are constant talks about supernatural experiences especially of people who have gone missing there. The only thing I was sure about was that it was the only place my friends could go drinking without being caught.

So four of us Siddarth, Mrs. Mehra, Bahadur ( the watchman) and me set out looking for Jo. After walking in the wild for sometime Mrs. Mehra could'nt take it anymore, and Siddarth volunteered to drop her home. I still don’t know why he did that ….Bahadur could have gone with the lady, leaving the possibility of a romantic encounter between Siddarth and me. Anyway I volunteered to be the superwoman and save the sheep (though I did not see the point in saving it as I may eat the same poor fella some other time). A part of me said it would be really cool to save Jo.

Bahadur like his name was a brave man; he was guiding me all the way. Suddenly he started walking very fast I asked him to slow down but he just ignored me. Now he was running and in no time got lost in the dark. Suddenly I realized I was all alone in a jungle…. the fear was just sinking in when this man with color all over his face came in front of me. He was an Aghori baba, wasn’t having a piece of cloth on his body. He walked towards me and before I could do or say a thing he got his hands around my neck and started to strangle me. I was going out of breath; I struggled to free myself from him only to die with my eyes almost popping out of the socket.

I was dead but could still see myself, my body looked ugly. I never wanted to die ugly for that matter I never wanted to die. I guessed that it was my spirit which was seeing the body being dragged by the Aghori. He dragged my corpse to a cave as I followed. The cave was just up a small mount and I could see fire there. I was curious why he would kill me. My body had become soggy and bruised.

Inside the cave was an idol of lord shiva and after decorating my corpse with flowers and beads. He started a puja. After the puja he dug he nails into my abdomen to pull out my liver. He started feeding on it. The liver followed my other organs. I was scared ….never been so scared in my whole life. His face was the only thing I could see with blood spilling out of his mouth. His hands reached out to my chest when I screamed and woke up……...Thank god I was dreaming.

About a month ago at lunch one of my colleagues told me about Aaghori babas. Theses Aghoris have intercourse with the dead and feed on them. The thought stuck to my mind but I suppressed the fear. The fear still remained within me wanting badly to express it self. On Thursday the mind found the opportunity and let it go……

At peace when alive or dead....

Being at peace with ones conscience is the best feeling ever. It’s not the outer self but the inner self that makes a man or a woman. I have heard so many talks about imagination, visualization and how one can cross the biggest hurdle or achieve the biggest dream just by using these inner strengths.

Though I always believed in the power of the inner self one more incident occurred which reassured the whole concept. It is not as dramatic as it sounds but just a word from an aged saint. I usually don’t trust any of their kind only because they are very rigid in their thoughts and never agree to listen to a different point of view.

Phew!!! I always get carried away but anyway he says that all of us dream and when we do …we hear… we talk… we run… and when we do all this we do not use our physical ears, tongue, and legs. But still the emotions remain the same in every single sense.

So in fact what we feel is all because of what’s inside than what happens outside. Our body is a tool but the source of energy is within us. At this stage of life I am at peace with myself at several points but there are many areas that I am very unclear about. The worst part is I am not even sure what part I am unclear about.

This however does not stop me from trying to reach the highest level of peace. The only question being – once I am dead do I have to start over again with the entire process? Will I be aware about what I have achieved for myself till now? And if death is a continuation of life I should rather not be scared of it?

My only aim is to be at peace dead or alive……….

The Stranger Everyone Loves

This time wen it happened, it made me realize about this phenomena...So many times on days wen i feel really really depressed or helpless, out of nowhere sum stranger brings a smile to my face. And it feels like heaven...a transition from restlessness to serenity.
Last week on one of those days, i just got of d railway station with an attempt to reach office on time. I was getting down the stairs , when an old woman with d most wrinkled face i had ever seen dressed in a Navari Saree ( d typical green and maroon) hit me with a stick. I had rarely felt d hit wen she put out her hand towards me. She pulled me into her arm and hugged me. With her soft and tender hands she caressed me and in her eyes i saw love after such a long time..
She smiled and let me go but i wanted more of it.. I was thinking of her all day long..even now..

Often i seek solace in strangers than people i already know. But there is a reason for this..wen u confide in a friend or family there is a huge burden of expectations on your shoulder as well as your friend's. But a sudden gesture of care from a stranger is totalling unexpected and cuts through layers to reach d heart.

In fact many a times it makes me go back to d routine all rejuvenated and i don't know how but it makes me care more for friends and family than before..

I love the stranger in my life.....

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

Very often we meet people who look lost.....I believe they just live in the future....in other words they day dream. I like to have a control over whatever happens in my life therefore i like to discuss day dreaming than d usual night ones.

Top 5 dreams of my life

To be one of the Miss India's (FAME)

To own an island (OWNERSHIP)

To swim across a water body (ACHIEVEMENT)

To change at least one life for good (GIVING BACK)

To have my own happily ever after (LOVE).......

I want each one to come true....

It’s tough for a copy- paste person like me (management student that I am) to get into action, especially to employ a bunch of school dropouts. But fate drove us ( a bunch of college enthusiasts) into it or rather Yamini, a second year student who has taken up a full time job with them. 31st March, 2007 marks a special day for ME. They say we need to go beyond the syllabus, beyond books; this was the best possible opportunity to do so, where we act as a bridge between the world of opportunities and the world of lost hopes; K.S.W.A. being the facilitator.
That morning the sun was scorching stronger than ever before, as if our conviction was put to test. But we managed to assemble at the Kherwadi ground exactly at 9.00 a.m. Supporting K.S.W.A. in this endeavor were our counterparts from NMIMS, who handled the registration. But an enthusiastic lot that we were; made us go beyond a mere desk job & so we took up guidance and enquiry. The task was basically to ensure that the job seekers were not lost and were directed to the right stall.
Coming to the stalls, it’s rare to see companies like First source, H.S.B.C, L.I.C, Reliance Retail, R.K.H.S., Pizza Hut, N & Y, B.G. , Eureka Forbes, ITC to name a few, come under one roof. Should have got our CVs too….. Naah where was the time? People just barged in and with them brought in their dreams and aspirations! Batch after batch were given a snapshot of what their career plan should be like and how a job is different from a career. It was an effort to convert mere wishes into strong determinations. The way to achieve them was through the vocational training courses held at K.S.W.A. or through training and placements within the companies. Was it fruitful for them, of course it was, says ninety percent of the response taken and the rest were there for fun anyway. The reason being the sketching, dancing, singing & mehndi competitions held or perhaps, the prizes given.
Was it of use to us? ………..it has to be a big YES, where else do you interact with people who may be your future customers, centered on whom you make your future strategies. Where else can you see individuals come out of their inhibitions just because you show some amount of respect? Where else can you learn that you need nothing to survive but the will to survive? There have been experiences that each of the ten of us would want to narrate….. Experiences which moved us or may be changed at least an iota of us.
The two of them seemed lost or rather intimidated by the crowd and the ambience, but Sheetal and Nazneen somehow managed to halt at the guidance hall. Both were matriculate and wanted a life of respect and dignity. And what better place to be than here…..knowing their background one of the volunteers took them to the R.K.H.S. stall for housekeeping . The work initially did not seem flowery but the scope ahead and the thought that “there has to be a beginning somewhere drove them into accepting the offer”
There were many such Sheetals & Nazneens, the first step towards building whose career was put forth that day….. And how glad were we to be a part of all this! People came in and out and no sooner was it noon but there was no one who was hungry or thirsty or wanting a break! But at 2.30 p.m. our shift was over or rather we were relieved by some other students. We left the place with as much enthusiasm as we entered; the thought of coming the day after was rejuvenating enough.
1st April 2007, we had an afternoon shift that day. After the heavy dose of operational research and financial management we just rushed towards Kherwadi and our excitement was enough to add on a couple of more volunteers to TEAM MET.
The second day wasn’t as hectic as the first day but there was a constant inflow of people, the publicity efforts taken by the association were commendable. The fair ended at about 6.00 p.m. and there was an air of content within each of the organizer who managed to pull it off with supreme efficiency. It was evident that they were foreseeing a footfall of 5000 and more next year, which was almost double the current numbers.
But were we content is a big question …….there was emptiness within everyone one of the volunteer; as each one had to reply to their own conscience. What have we done to deserve what we have or what have these socially neglected individuals done to not deserve what we have? The past two days have been hard for each one coz it is hard to live a life of pleasures when people who know the art of living better still struggle to make ends meet.
But there is one thing that keeps us going even today that is the “will” to work towards making ourselves worth what we already have. This struggle within ourselves will now keep us intact emotionally and morally in life’s worst situations and that’s the reason we say that;
“The second opportunity was grabbed by us”

We thank K.S.W.A. and Yamini for this enriching experience.