Man, Shadow……

Man:
What are you,a friend or a foe? Following me from the break of dawn. I don’t need a spy. Are you God or God’s spy to keep a check of my wrongs and rights? Coz if you are, you need not follow, I am honest and I know all my sins. I won’t hesitate to tell God, when I am no more. Hiding rarely gives me solace.
Ah...You try to take my shape rarely even close to what I am. Sometimes shorter, sometimes longer and bloody hell you look funny.
I don’t remember even one incident when you have been helpful. Get some self respect and go away. And if you really care enough where the fuck do you disappear when it’s dark and eerie. Tell me why you exist. Justify it, coz that’s how it works on earth.

Shadow:
Don’t shoo me away, I was born when you were born. You disparage me coz I have no flesh and blood.
I will try; I will try, to justify my existence. I enjoy the way you live your life, heart filled with all the emotions I cant even imagine. I am witness to your life.
You are my only source and you always look down on me, even when there is a slightest hint of light. So I wait for the dark...wait n wait n wait. And finally when it arrives, I see you change from life to dull seeking calmness and meaning in the day that you left behind. You look so lost, so much in panic.
And that’s when I slowly crawl inside you; fill the void in the four chambers. It’s warm there …. You are my mother.
Call me your soul, conscience, god, ego, id, anything. But I don’t want the sun to rise again.

"If you are a woman and single get your eye-test done asap."

"Talli ho gayi"

I am trying to write more cheerful stuff on my blog, “Insha'Allah” let today be the first attempt. What could be more cheerful than alcohol? I always knew I love alcohol even before I had it for the first time. I am not a connoisseur but I enjoy it. Maybe there is an underlying psychological reasoning to it too. My father (Achan) is a strict man never tasted it (not even once) and a simple man. There is nothing lavish about him and nothing expressive either.
When I was little I have heard how my grandfather (father’s father) lived life king-size, expressed love, and expressed life. Everyone loved him for the little time he spent with the family other times he would be away for work. Achan on the other hand being the eldest son was thrust with the responsibility of the entire family when grandpa wasn’t around. He grew up before his age; he never had his well- deserved childhood.
All men in the family drank at some time or the other, but achan did not. All men in the family showed how much they love life but achan did not. I saw a lot of achan in me. But I did not want to be a miser in enjoying life. Even as a kid I would dream of being high, singing and dancing. I vividly remember as a kid I would always roll up paper to make it look like beedi and sit like a village simpleton smoking. Amma would yell at me. But I would not budge. Amma said,” Given an opportunity you would surely drink and smoke.” I believed in what she said.
While growing up I would walk like I am drunk or lost, and people would call me “bevdi”. I would act angry but quite liked the title :-) . Then finally in college I smoked for the first time. Some seniors gave me the unique opportunity. The first time smoking was a big story itself (Maybe some other time). Then came drinking, first time I did not feel anything different except for being warm inside. (Just like wine which I had tasted before, only this time the drink was vodka). I did not know the alcoholic jargon still don’t know, I had vodka….neat.
I remember singing that day, there wasn’t any space otherwise I would have danced too. Then I stuck to vodka for a long time about two years. After that, some friends used to call me gutter cause it would drink anything offered no preferences but as I said not a connoisseur (also no monies).
Now have graduated to whisky, it’s easy on my stomach. I don’t drink coz I am depressed or happy or angry or ugly or beautiful or sick or healthy. I don’t need a reason. Alcohol need not be justified by any other reason; it in itself is grand and eventful.